Meatball Surgery
by texaswookie
Summary: The results of Halloween leave a Korean veteran with a whole new nightmare source. Welcome to the Hellmouth Hawkeye.


Don't own BTVS characters or MASH characters. One of my last posts for a while folks. 

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><p>Xander looked at a shirtless Buffy and frowned as he looked at her stomach where a demon had decided to use her for a scratching post. "Buffy I think I can sew you up, but it's going to hurt." He warned her. "Hell, you might want to take this mess to the hospital. They could even put you under so that you won't be in to much pain." He said as he tried to convince her to head towards the hospital.<p>

"Just do it Xander I trust you a whole lot more than I trust any of the doctors at Sunnydale Memorial." The blonde told him seriously, Xander nodded as he leaned down to inspect the wound again ignoring the blonde slayer that looked down at him recalling what had happened that Halloween night so long ago to change her friend into the person that was there beside her now.

Snyder had shanghaied, gang pressed, forced, volunteered, made, pushed, and pimped, them out to the elementary school as Halloween guides. Willow and Buffy had found full costumes at the new Halloween shop while Xande had bought a gun and had planned to throw on some army clothes he had at home. Unfortunately for Xander his dad had broken the gun. She had never really gotten the full story on how that had happened. Something about the gun and Larry was all she had ever gotten out of him. Xander had therefore improvised and had appeared with a red robe and a stethoscope wrapped around his neck to cover his G.I uniform.

Upon the change Xander Harris class clown had disappeared and in his place had been the smart mouthed and the surgeon extraordinaire of Hawkeye Pierce had taken his place. Over the years Xander had used his knowledge to help them and himself in various things. His skill at mixing drinks had even gotten him a job as a bartender while the others were doing the college thing. The only bad side of being the soldier he was, was the memories of Korea, and the nightmares that came with those memories. Currently though those memories were one of the few things that were keeping the various people alive. Xander's experience with meatball surgery allowed him to patch each and every member of the various Slayers and potentials up after Caleb got done with them. While sometimes it might have been nice to get someone with weapons training or some sort of super soldier the fact that he could piece his friends back together after a fight helped a lot as well. It also kept a lot of unwanted questions unasked as well.

"Someone get me a needle and thread," he barked out as he did his best to hold the bleeding in. Xander may have been taken off the front line for the most part, but that was because he was simply to valuable now as their only true medical person. Instead of relying on first aide and whatever the Council taught Giles they had someone that could piece all of them back together as the need arose. With a well trained eye and a practiced and steady hand he easily sewed his friend up. "You know I'm going to have to start charging you if you keep letting Caleb doing this to you Buff." He joked with a smirk. "Maybe I should say as your doctor you shouldn't wear a top for at least the next 36 hours." He suggested with a suggestive leer.

Buffy shook her head in amusement at her friend's suggestions as she climbed to her feet. The suggestive humor was something that she had come to accept from her friend over the years. "Tell you what doc, after this mess is over I'll spend a month in bikini bed rest how's that sound?"

"I think bed rest with an attentive doctor would be better, but I guess I'll have to settle for that." Xander joked as he then turned to see the next battered girl that was being brought before him. "Andrew get me a scalpel," he said turning serious as he saw the broken arrow still in the girl's thigh.

"Right away Hawkeye," the blonde said as he adjusted the corporals jacket he was wearing.

"I swear he's like the best and weirdest parts of Radar and Klinger all piled together into one really weird little runty and annoying package." Xander said as he watched the young man scurry away to get the requested items. "All right, who's next?" He asked as he snapped on a pair of gloves to deal with latest injuries that the Bringers had inflicted on them. By the way there better be a scantily clad nurse and a large drink waiting for me when this done or I will be calling my union officer." He added as he began to work on getting the wound on the potential dealt with.

"Only if you can convince Faith to give the costume back to Anya, she and Wood have been using it a lot lately." Spike returned from where he was watching Hawkeye work. The boy had a real eye for seeing the unseen damage.

"Well I think its high time they gave it back, and if it happens to still have Faith inside its all the better for me." Xander Hawkeye said with a smile. "Now if I could only figure how to put Faith, Buffy, and Anya all in the same costume." The smile left his face as Andrew returned with the things he needed made the vampire laugh.


End file.
